


A Hill To Die On

by TR33G1RL



Series: call me broken | call me fixed | call me yours [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Love Confession, M/M, Spoilers, You'll see what I mean, its hard to define, slightly dysfunctional relationship, spoilers for chapter 954
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 00:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TR33G1RL/pseuds/TR33G1RL
Summary: "It’s a shame that Apoo doesn’t know how to love, even if he can feel love. Knowledge without application. A hypothesis with no experiment. A foolish claim with nothing to prove it."(Apoo wants Hawkins to understand why he did what he did, but he has a hard time explaining his feelings towards Hawkins. Hawkins already knows Apoo's feelings, but that doesn't excuse Apoo's actions.)





	A Hill To Die On

“Dismissed.”

With silent, sharp nods, the All-Stars and Headliners of the Beast Pirates rise from the table in the meeting room of Kaido’s ship. One by one, they all begin to file out and make their way to their own ships. Basil Hawkins stays behind, shuffling his tarot cards absentmindedly and waiting for the other members of the Beast Pirates to leave. The other pirates don’t spare The Magician a single glance, already aware of his strange habits. Once the room is cleared and Hawkins finds himself alone, he finally stands and moves away from the table before pushing his chair in. Red eyes scan over the empty room before a faint sigh falls from his lips, the sound quiet and more than slightly defeated.

With his posture beaten and the bags under his eyes dyed dark with so many sleepless nights since Hawkins was coerced into joining Kaido’s crew. His crew isn’t in any better of a state, their moral lower than ever because they can see their captain’s distress and regret on his face even though he tries to hide it. But it must show somewhere between the weary slope of his spine and the downturn of his lips, because Hawkins can see the way their bodies are tense in fear and their eyes dart to and from the other members of the Beast Pirates.

Hawkins stops shuffling his cards with a short, frustrated click of his tongue against his teeth. He carefully puts the deck of tarot cards in the pocket of his pants as he finally takes his leave and walks out of the dark meeting room and onto the deck of Kaido’s ship. Quietly, he closes the door behind him and makes his way to the railing of the large ship. The deck is empty by now, everyone else back on their own ships and beginning to sail again. Hawkins watches their ships moving back into the darkness of the night, and he knows that he better get back to his own ship before he and his crew are left behind.

His arm extends into straw and nails and he reaches over the large chasm between Kaido’s ship. The nails at the end of his straw-arm dig into the railing of his own ship and, in one graceful movement, jumps down towards the sea. His connection to his own ship keeps him from going into the water, allowing him to swing over the surface and land on the deck on his own ship as his arm retracts back into its normal state. He looks at the mostly empty deck, and gives a solemn nod to the few of his crewmen that remain above deck. From the looks of it, they’re all either stargazing, doing their own tarot readings, or praying. Hawkins doesn’t have to look at a single tarot card to know that they’re praying for the future of the crew. He’ll have to thank them in the morning.

But for now, Hawkins is tired, so he begins trudging towards his bedroom. The meeting lasted a long while and left Hawkins with another mission that would undoubtedly long and exhausting and will force Hawkins to commit acts of violence he wouldn’t otherwise go through with. The Magician is so tired of this, so damn tired of being part of Kaido’s crew. This isn’t what he wanted, isn’t something he could have ever seen coming in a million years. He’d read his cards hundreds - thousands - of times, and his cards never told him of this version of reality. Apoo’s betrayal caught Kidd, Killer, and Hawkins off guard completely. The blonde pirate had known that Apoo was more cunning than he let on, but he’d never considered that this was even a possibility. Hawkins had never thought that… Well, it doesn’t matter what Hawkins thought, now does it? Not anymore.

Hawkins shakes his head, clearing his thoughts to the best of his ability. It doesn’t work very well; his mind is still heavy with dark clouds. He continues down the hall, nodding to the member of his crew, who greet him with solemn nods as he passes. 

“Good night, Captain Hawkins. Sleep well,” Faust says in his deep, low voice as he passes Hawkins in the hall. He offers his captain a faint smile, though it withers at the corners when he sees the weariness in Hawkins’ eyes and the defeated set of his shoulders. His poor captain was forced into a corner and he chose the only option that would guarantee his mens’ safety. Hawkins blames himself, but he couldn’t have seen it coming. None of them could have. They all did several readings - an uncountably high number of readings - and yet none of them had seen this possibility.

“And you, as well, Faust,” Hawkins returns evenly, his own voice raspy from disuse. He doesn’t bother to put on a false confidence before his first mate; Faust can see right through him in a split second anyway. The mink nods to his captain and turns to leave to the crew’s quarters, but before he can hear his captain speak up again. He turns back to find Hawkins looking at him, eyes full of sorrow. “Faust. I appreciate you and all of the crew’s patience and dedication to me,” Hawkins says quietly. “You all deserve better than me to lead you. I will do everything in my power to get you out of this situation, no matter what odds stand against us.” 

And in that moment, Faust feels something akin to calmness settle in his chest like a pebble in a pond; a seed of hope for the future. He offers Hawkins another faint smile, once that doesn’t waver as much around the edges. “I have faith in you, Captain. All of your men do,” He replies, his own smile growing ever so slightly when he sees Hawkins’ lips twitch upwards for just the quickest of moments..

“Thank you, Faust,” Hawkins replies in a quiet murmur before his smiles drops back into a neutral expression. “I will take my leave now. I need the rest before I carry out the next mission from Kaido-san.” 

Faust’s expression drops into one that’s similarly serious before he nods. “Right. Rest well, Captain. We will make sure the ride is smooth enough that you can sleep." Hawkins nods solemnly in response before they turn away from each other and continue on their way.

Hawkins room isn't a far trek from the position where he talked to Faust. It's just down the hall, a left, and halfway down that hallway. The blonde stops in front of the door and takes a deep breath in before letting it out slowly. Hawkins has just returned from a mission he had been sent on by Kaido, so it has been a few weeks since he'd been able to return to his room. His room is his only safe haven these days since other members of the Beast pirates and their allied crews are now constantly on Hawkins’ ship to give orders and such. His room is the only place that they wouldn’t go in, and that is simply because it’s Hawkins’ room and, since Hawkins is one of the Headliners, he could easily make most of them regret their bold actions.

With a gentle push, the door to Hawkins’ room opens and he steps through the threshold into the darkness of his room. He draws in a deep inhale and smells the faintest hints of incense on the air, a familiar and welcoming scent of patchouli. The pirate closes the door behind him before stepping further into into his room. Gods, he’d missed having a room to himself; having to share one with X Drake for the mission had been stressful.

With a slight shift of his shoulders, Hawkins’ coat falls down from his shoulders and down to his hands. He swiftly pulls his coat off and drapes it over the wooden chair that’s tucked neatly under his desk. His desk has nothing on it besides dust and a burnt out incense in a holder. Hawkins wipes his fingers through the ash and dust before lifting it to his face to see how thickly his absence covers his furniture. Upon examination, he finds that his absence has been visually deep and very grey. 

Hawkins walks over to the sink, turns it on, and washes off the dust, watching the grey run down the sink. After his skin is free of the sooty substance, he takes hold of the bar of soap he keeps next to the sink and begins to lather it up before using it cover his hands. He watches his hands as he rubs the suds over his skin, making sure to get between his fingers around his wrists.

So distracted by the soothing feeling of soap on his skin and water over his skin, Hawkins doesn’t notice that another person has been in his room, hiding in the shadows, since before Hawkins even opened the door. As Hawkins turns the water off and begins to dry off his hands on a towel, he feels two broad hands come to firmly rest on his hips and a warm weight press against his bare back.

“Heeey there, stranger,” Comes a too-cheerful chirp from a very strange and very familiar voice. The words are spoken from just above Hawkins’ right ear, and the Hawkins Pirate knows exactly who stands behind him. 

Red eyes narrow into a glare as regal lips purse in frustration. The towel is roughly set back in its spot next to the water basin as Hawkins lifts his gaze to the mirror. In the silvery reflection he can see the very cause of his ire standing behind him, looking so very comfortable with his knees bent to accommodate their difference in height and his mouth mere centimeters from the shell of Hawkins' skin. His hands hold onto the blonde pirate's hips like a lover's would, gentle but firm, an anchor in the waves meant to keep two things together. 

"Scratchmen," Hawkins all but spits the name, poison in his voice as if his straw powers were only a cover for venomous snakes. "What is it exactly that you want?" His question is a loaded one, because no matter what it is that Apoo wants, Hawkins is not willing to give.

"Owww!" Apoo whines as his face takes on a ridiculous pout. It makes Hawkins want to lower himself to using his bare hands and beating the man senseless. Thankfully, the pout turns into his trademark smirk again. It just makes Hawkins want to punch Apoo even more. The On Air Pirate's hands move lower, down towards Hawkins' thighs, as his thumbs hook in the pelt at the shorter man's hips and start to drag it down with his actions. "What a mean way to treat your lover!"

And those words make Hawkins scoff as he glares at Apoo through their reflections. "A single kiss is what constitutes you being my lover?" He asks dryly, not bothering to remove Apoo's hands off of his body because he knows words will be enough to dissuade Apoo from thoughts of them being so-called ''lovers.' The taller pirate's eyes meet his own through their reflection and Hawkins feels a spark of pride in his chest as Apoo's smirk falter at the edges. "In that case, I have been an unfaithful lover to you."

There’s a pause, and Hawkins is pleased to find that Apoo’s already wavering smirk falls completely as his eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What… What do you mean by that?” Apoo asks, trying to maintain his ground by forcing a smile back onto his face. Oh, how hard he tries, but it doesn’t work. Apoo’s smile is shaking like the last leaf on a tree in autumn, and the arrogant fire in his eyes is dimming more with every passing second.

Hawkins has to focus on not smirking as he says, “I have had to flirt with some people for missions-”

“Well that doesn’t mean-”

“There are other people that have felt my lips that needed no such touch, but received it all the same,” Hawkins finishes as he reaches to grab a ribbon that is curled haphazardly on his counter. He takes it between his fingers and lifts his hands and moves them behind his head so he can tie his hair up. His eyes never look away from Apoo’s shifting expression as he does, curious to see how this will play out.

The hands on Hawkins’ hips aren’t as tight anymore, more of a loose grip than anything. “You kissed…” Apoo trails, his usually loud voice now quieted with disappointment and hurt. There’s a moment of silence before Apoo’s hands go bruisingly tight on Hawkins’ hips. Hawkins, to his credit, could see this coming and doesn’t even jump. There’s a ugly sound of someone slamming their hands down on a piano: Apoo gritting his teeth. “Who?” He asks, his voice like the low hum of radio static crossed with the sound of a scratched record.

"No one of your concern, Scratchmen," Hawkins replies coolly as he pulls the ribbon into a loose bow to keep it secure. His eyes move down in the reflection, leaving Apoo's face and moving to look at his own. Hm. His ponytail is a bit messier than he thought it would be when he put it up. He reaches back again, untying the length of ribbon before fixing it around his hair once again, this time making sure there's no stray hairs escaping the ribbon's hold.

There's a choked huff of desperate laughter that's strangled up from Apoo's throat. "If we're _ lovers, _then I'd say it's my concern," Apoo responds with that same shaking smile. His hands travel up to rest on Hawkins' waist, calloused palms on bare skin, a plea in the form of touch. "Just tell me who it was, Hawkins."

"You want me to tell you their names so you can murder them, so I will not." The shorter pirate scoffs and rolls his eyes. Apoo gets sloppy with hiding his plans when he is desperate, Hawkins has found out. What a fool.

Apoo's thumbs begin to rub uneven, unsteady circles into the skin just under Hawkins' ribs. "Just tell me who is stealing my lover away from me. Who the hell is so tempting that my beautiful, loyal Hawkins can't resist them?" Apoo's lips brush against the shell of Hawkins' ear as he speaks and the feeling sends shivers down Hawkins' spine, though whether from disgust or pleasure, he is not willing to think about. 

Red has never been such a cold color as when Hawkins turns his glare back to Apoo through the mirror "'Loyal?' In what sense of the word am I 'loyal,' Apoo?" Hawkins steps to the side, away from Apoo's grasp. The warmth of the On Air Captain's hands disappears, and Hawkins doesn't enjoy the cool air that brushes against his skin in its place. 

Apoo looks confused, but the crooked smile on his face gets a bit more steady on his lips just a little. “Apapa!” He laughs a little as he lifts his hands to rest on Hawkins’ hips again. The blonde doesn’t flinch as Apoo pulls him closer, until they are nearly flush against each other with Hawkins’ feet between Apoo’s. “What are you talking about? Of course you’re loyal! You made the choice! You joined Kaido’s crew for me, Hawkins. You joined his crew and now we can be _ together. _ We don’t need an alliance anymore! We’re on the same crew! You chose to join us, to join _ me!” _ Apoo enthuses, his smile growing with each and every word as his thumbs rub along the line of Hawkins’ hipbones. 

A low scoff blows through Hawkins’ lips like an unkind winter’s winds. “A choice?” A voice as cold as the deepest parts of the oceans, and just as foreboding. “I had the choice between life or death, and I chose to stay alive. I chose to keep my nakama alive,” Hawkins snarls as he steps back, pushing Apoo’s hands off of him with obvious irritation growing visible in his eyes. “Any choice besides that was made by you. _ You _ have damned me to this fate, Scratchmen, and I will not forget that anytime soon.”

The toothy smile drops into a crooked frown as Apoo steps closer to Hawkins again, only for the other pirate captain to slip away from between Apoo’s body and the counter. “Aw, c’mon, Hawkins! Don’t be like that!” Hawkins shoots him a deadpan glare as he steps back into the main part of his room, moving over to his desk. Apoo follows after him - maintaining a fair distance, in case Hawkins decides he wants to attack - and stands beside Hawkins. His eyes follow elegant hands as Hawkins pulls his tarot cards out of his pocket and sets them on his desk. Apoo lets the thick silence between them settle before he destroys it with his voice once again. “Hawkins, you know know why I did it, right?” The words are quieter than usual. Still too loud, with Apoo’s voice filling more space than it needs to, but quieter.

Hawkins looks at him, not at his tarot deck, as he shuffles his cards once. A graceful forefinger and thumb pick up the top card before holding it up for Apoo to see. Hawkins doesn’t even need to look at the card to know which one he’s pulled. The Lovers. 

The name of the card and the cold reaction that the blonde pirate has to it tells Apoo very clearly that Hawkins knows _ exactly _ why Apoo did it. The taller man can’t help but wince at the cruel, razor-sharp line of Hawkins’ mouth. “I guess you do,” He comments, his words not able to contribute anything to the conversation, other than the fact they are a plea for Hawkins to respond, to say something in return. 

Hawkins sets the card back down on top of the deck as a low, sardonic chuckle. “You do not know ‘love,’ Apoo,” He says, words dark and bitter and cruel and not nearly harsh enough for what Apoo deserves. “Do not sully that word by thinking what you feel in regards to me is ‘love.’ That would be doing a disservice to the word.” Hawkins turns away from the other captain and takes a step away from the other man and towards the door, intent on showing Apoo out for good. 

On instinct, Apoo reaches forward and wraps his hand around Hawkins’ wrist. “Shit, wait!” He yells, his voice echoing loudly off the wooden walls. Hawkins whips around, fury in his eyes as straw begins to take over his body. Apoo immediately lets go of Hawkins’ arm, his eyes going wide as he holds his hands up in very genuine surrender. The straw pulls back into Hawkins’ body, but the glare only gets more malicious. Apoo draws in a deep breath and lets it out in a troubled sigh. “Listen, you have to understand-”

“I do not,” Hawkins shoots back, hellish ire in his voice.

“Fuck, I know, I know” Apoo relents without a fight as he reaches up with one hand to take off his glasses so he can rub at the bridge of his nose. “I just love you so damn much-” Hawkins glare deepens at the use of those word “-And I couldn’t stand to be apart from you anymore. The thought that I wouldn’t see you again after our alliance ended… It was too goddamn much, Hawkins. I couldn’t stand the thought of fighting Shanks and you getting killed,” The last word makes Apoo choke on its weight, and as he looks up at Hawkins, the blonde can tell that Apoo is telling the truth.

It’s a shame that Apoo doesn’t know_ how _ to love, even if he can _ feel _ love. Knowledge without application. A hypothesis with no experiment. A foolish claim with nothing to prove it.

Hawkins doesn’t even grace Apoo’s love confession with a response. He just inclines his head towards the door and says a single word. “Leave.” He doesn’t want to see Apoo right now. He wants him gone and far from Hawkins, lest Hawkins damage his own ship in a rage.

Apoo grits his teeth, an ugly sound, before he roughly pleads, “Just let me prove it to you.” His arms fall to his side, but his fingers twitch with the want to reach out and take hold of Hawkins. 

“And just how do you propose you ‘prove it?’” Hawkins shoots back with a scoff as he crosses his arms over his lower chest. His expression is neutral yet cold, his features smooth in their disdainfulness. He doesn’t take a step back, doesn’t relent his ground when Apoo takes a step closer to him. 

A calloused hand reach up to caress Hawkins’ cheek, feeling the sharp jawline beneath Apoo’s fingertips. He’s surprised that Hawkins lets him touch him, but he’s not going to question it and risk testing Hawkins’ irritability. The small contact between them makes Apoo smile crookedly as he says, “Invite me into your bed. Let me prove my love to you tonight.” 

Hawkins’ neutral expression immediately turns into a scathing glare and a smirk with an edge like a sword. “‘Invite you into my bed?’” He repeats slowly, the words cutting and covered in poison. “Are you seeking to fuck me over in a way you haven’t yet, Scratchmen?” If the question was a weapon, it would be lodged through Apoo’s chest, through his lungs and heart. 

The On Air Pirate can’t find the words to respond with as he shakes his head slowly, his hand still gently cupping Hawkins’ cheek. “I… I didn’t mean-”

“Yes you did,” Hawkins cuts him off without a hint of mercy in his voice. “You meant what you said as much as I meant what I said.” Hawkins doesn’t push Apoo’s hand away, but doesn’t acknowledge it either. “You always ask for too much. I will not bring you into my bed, but I will give you something less.”

Apoo blinks in surprise, perking up a bit at the strange words that catch him off guard. “Whaaat does that mean?” He asks as his eyes intently watch Hawkins’ face, looking between his lips and his eyes for a hint as to what is going on. Instead of words, Hawkins reaches up and takes hold of Apoo’s jaw before dragging the taller pirate down and pressing their lips together.

The kiss is chaste and gentle, more tender than Apoo deserves, but all that Hawkins is willing to give. The fit of their lips isn’t a clean fit, and Hawkins has to change the angle of their lips in order to make the contact as comfortable as possible. Hawkins’ lips are warmer than Apoo thought they’d be, and he rejoices in how the warmth heats up his own lips. Their mouths press together softly, a fleeting touch that only breaks when Apoo tries to deepen it. He tries to move back in for another kiss, desperation clear in his actions, but Hawkins steps back before any further contact can be made.

When Apoo makes to protest this, Hawkins lifts a hand to cover his mouth. “I gave you one, Scratchmen,” He says, and his voice sends cool-warm shivers down Apoo’s spine. “You’ll have to learn how hat respect, trust and love are all necessary in a relationship, if you want more. No leave me be. I have been tired for a while, and you do not help.” Apoo nods without a single word, but as he leaves, Hawkins can see the wide grin on Apoo’s face.The blonde pirate rolls his eyes as he lays down on his bed, a sigh escaping his lips as he relaxes. Tonight was an eventful one, and sleep will do him well.

(He may be tired, but he isn’t able to sleep. His head is too clouded by thoughts of a certain fool to get more than a half hour of sleep.)


End file.
